At the time I’m writing this, it’s been three months to the day that I said goodbye to my son. As I reflect on my journey since then, I’m astounded at what I’ve faced and who I’ve become. What I’ve experience is nothing short of a miracle.
I was talking on the phone with a friend last night and he reminded me of some advice one of his coaches gave him a few years back: The fastest way to your destination is through the obstacle.
This feels counterintuitive. If we see a big boulder blocking the trail, we try to find a detour– when, in fact, the best thing to do is just face the boulder head-on and figure out how to roll it out of the way or climb over it. That’s the fastest path (even if it’s not always the easiest).
A few weeks ago I shared with you that I’m applying the personal changes I’ve undergone over the past couple of years to my work. Thank you for your effusive support and solidarity! Thank you for saying, “I’m with you, Sara,” even if you (or I!) don’t quite know where I’m leading us.
To be honest, since I wrote that post, I’ve felt a little stuck. And scared. I don’t know who I need to be or what I need to do to fully live out these changes. I feel what’s coming, but I don’t know how to get there. That’s why I found myself on the phone with my friend late last night, talking about obstacles.
Rather than trying to find a detour around the obstacle (by going off on my own to try and figure it out by myself), I decided to write this letter to you. Sharing creates change, so my words here create a way for all of us to push the boulder out of the way in order to discover the path forward.
In this process, one of the things I’ve discovered is that I’ve been out of integrity with myself– and with you– in two distinct places.
Today I want to clean up those two places to bring them into alignment with who I am– and who we are.
I realized that I have an old, limiting belief running in the background constantly. Perhaps you can relate to it. It’s the notion that I need and should do everything by myself.
Now, this is very out of integrity with who I am. Because who I am is someone who stands for community. And by believing that I need to do everything on my own keeps me from having what’s important to me (a strong, unified, powerful community).
As I mentioned at the start of this letter, about a month ago I experienced a miracle.
If we look at our lives like a pie, 10% of that pie consists of the things we know, 10% consists of the things that we know we don’t know, and a whopping 80% of that pie consists of the things we don’t know that we don’t know (or, our blind spots).
When we’re willing to step into the unknown of our blind spots and start seeing the things that we previously didn’t know we didn’t know, we experience miracles.
So, going back to a month ago, I stumbled into a blind spot, and in so doing, I discovered a whole new possibility for my life that I had never been able to previously imagine.
When I did that, my view of my life went from being one of complete hopelessness to one of aliveness, joy, and freedom even though nothing in my external reality had changed.
In the weeks since then, I’ve been sharing this new possibility with my friends, family, colleagues, and mentors and putting a plan in place to bring it to life.
I realized today (another push on the boulder), that I’m out of integrity with you, my community, because I have not also been enrolling you in this new possibility I’m creating for my life.
I’ve often struggled with my conflicting desires to share my journey openly and to safeguard my privacy. As I reflect on the life I want to live, I remember that I value transparency. I come most alive when I share my stories, and I know that my authenticity is a big reason why you’re here.
That’s why I want to share this new vision of my life not just with my friends and family, but also with you.
Later this year I’m moving forward with having a child on my own. In the past months my former partner and I separated, and I have decided to forge my own path forward into motherhood.
In the past weeks I’ve spoken with women I know and friends of friends who’ve done this. They’re now mothering seven-year-old girls and two- year-old-sons. They’re cheering me on, sharing the practical details of how they turned their dreams into realities.
I always thought that having a child without a partner would be a last resort for me, one that I’d feel resigned to and disappointed by. That if I did it on my own, it would mean that I had failed at achieving my dream.
Here’s where the miracle lies.
I feel only pure JOY in the face of this new possibility. I have my whole life to find the right partner, and I only have a limited window left to become a biological mother. I know I want to be a mother and I don’t want to wait who knows how long to do this (or to partner up with the wrong person to do it). I feel relieved to be breaking free of the traditional script and writing my own.
In reading books about Single Mothers by Choice (SMC), the women interviewed all say that they wish they hadn’t sat, thinking about their decisions for so long. Once they finally leapt, they were so glad they did. While none of them felt “ready” or had all their ducks in a row before they got pregnant, each of them wished she had done it sooner.
That’s what I’m discovering, too. It doesn’t work to sit in my office and think about what changes I’m going to bring to our community. It doesn’t work for me to sit at home and think about maybe, one day becoming a mother.
What does work is sharing and taking action. The more I make phone calls, read books, meet up with women mothering on their own, and share my new vision with those I love, the more clarity and excitement I feel.
Likewise, as I sat down today and looked at the boulder blocking our path forward, I realized I need to do the same thing with you. I need to keep sharing authentically and acting boldly– even if I feel like I’m not ready.
I have no idea what my continued journey into motherhood will hold for me– just as I have no idea what our future as a community holds for us (thought I feel in my gut that both will be far more beautiful than we could ever imagine now).
If I wait until I don’t feel afraid anymore to act or share these words with you, who knows how much life we will have missed out on living!
Now, there’s also a Third Truth.
For me to hold my breath and jump off this cliff, I can’t cling to the old belief that I need to do everything on my own.
I want you to jump with me.
In fact, when I look soberly at my life, our community, and how I’m ready to transform them, I realize that I don’t want to do this without you. In fact, I can’t.
To raise a child on my own, I know that I need to think outside the box and be creative in how I create a support structure and a life that works. I’ve enrolled my friends and family in this exciting, new possibility for my life. And, now, I want to enroll you in it, too.
I’ve enrolled my friends and family in this exciting, new possibility for my life. And, now, I want to enroll you in it, too.
What does this mean, exactly?
For me to be able to make this dream a reality, I’m requesting your support in breaking free of old, “online business” marketing scripts (which feel inauthentic and out of integrity for me, however much I’ve tried to tone them down). These force me to both feel like I’m holding myself back and to stay stuck on the hamster wheel of doing everything on my own.
Instead, I want to consistently turn to a more organic, on-the-ground, and transparent way of sharing this work with others– in a way that thrives beyond me alone.
I’ve tried to do this with you before, but it didn’t quite get off the ground. I’m seeing now some things, that I didn’t see then, about why that was.
Here are some practical ways that we can succeed at doing this together:
- If you feel moved or inspired, share this letter with another woman whom you think needs to read it, or post it on social media (using the share tabs at the bottom of this post).
- If you’ve had a positive or transformational experience through being part of this community, get out with people and share it. Talk about what you learned and who you have become as a result of your experience. Do this not once, but regularly!
- Write about your experience. Talk about it. Bring a friend, your mom, your daughter, your boss, your whomever to a retreat.
- Invite your community to come and experience this community.
- Keep showing up for our community with curiosity to learn, discover your blind spots, and midwife miracles into your own life. Your presence matters.
- Remember that bold leadership comes from bold action. Sitting around and simply thinking about things stifles life and keeps us stuck. Sharing and taking action brings us alive. Keep finding ways to share and take action about any transformation you’ve had so it really takes root in your life.
Take a moment now and feel: What’s the impact of me sharing myself in this way? How does it make you feel? What possibilities start to come alive for you?
For me, sharing this feels terrifying and incredibly vulnerable. But I decided to hit “publish” because it moves me in the direction of being a woman who colors outside the lines and doesn’t hold herself back– lessons that I know my unborn son came into my life to teach me (and I’m going to do everything in my power to learn them, for his sake).
Last: it makes my new reality more real. Instead of staying stuck in my own head, my words and actions bring my vision more fully to life. With that, I feel an unprecedented sense of empowerment, aliveness, connection, and unbridled self-expression.
I want this for all of us. By sharing ourselves more boldly, we get out of our own way to create the lives we truly want to live– deep down below all of our fear and nervousness (fear is just a fluttering of sensations in the body and nervousness is a sign that we’re up to something BIG!).
Let’s step out of the prisons of our own minds and share ourselves more authentically, more often. To reach more hearts and change more lives. Not just me on my own, but ALL of us. Together.
At the end of the day, what we all want most from our lives is to know that we made a contribution to the world. To know that we have made a difference in someone’s life. By sharing this work with other women, you get to be the catalyst of that.
This February, at the upcoming SHE Yoga & Meditation Teacher Training in Thailand, I may be pregnant. This may be the last live retreat that I host for a while. I really don’t know what’s going to happen, or what my life and teaching will look in the coming months and years. But I do know that I want you to be a part of it– however it looks.
If you’ve been sitting on the sidelines of our community (and your life) saying one day, some day, maybe next year….make THIS your year.
If your life changed forever as a result of being part of one of these retreats… urge someone you love who needs a boost in her life to COME.
And if you’re ready to also step into bold leadership, creating a life of extraordinary, miraculous possibility for yourself all you serve…I WELCOME you.
Early registration closes tomorrow at noon Pacific. Until then, you can save $500 and also sign up with a 6-month payment plan.
For those of you who are ready to JUMP, I’ll see you (or those you love and send this way) on the other side…in Thailand!
Thank you for being here and for being you– through all of life’s ups and downs, twists and turns. Discovering what’s true within ourselves amidst all of this is what The Way of the Happy Woman is all about.
I’m excited for what the future holds for us.